Heavy

I've been feeling heavy. Not in the avoirdupois sense--in fact, my appetite has all but deserted me. But the unbearable heaviness of being. More in touch with old sorrow and the agonizing limitations of my life. Emotional colors run to the darker, earthier tones, the shadow side of feeling. Yet I feel the raw tenderness of my life--how blessed I am to have Steve, to have children who care for me, to have family and community.

There are people who have none of that! They live in cramped spiritual homes with no one to reach out to, no one to care who they are and if they live or die. Maybe they live in no homes at all or are only tenuously attached to a rudimentary home. I think of Katherine. So full of hope, so close to disaster. How does she manage to thread the needle between fulfillment and loss? Here is a person who lives like the lilies of the field, subject to wind and frost.

I have the warmth and glow of a wood fire. Late tonight my dearest will return and drop into my dreams to keep me warm when the fire dies. In every way, I am blessed.